When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
~Henri Nouwen
Relationships are everywhere. Marrying the (right) spouse, spending time with family members and right friends (of your choosing) will help anyone who loves and nurtures hard.
What I mean by “hard” is being deeply involved in your relationships. You’re all in and hold back nothing. You look forward to every moment. There’s emotional safety and the trust factors are solid. You don’t question anything, or feel any anxieties.
Different Types of Relationships
Henri Nouwen explains what we truly look for in relationships during difficult and “powerless” times. There are also moments, where you want inspiration, motivation, and encouragement. It’s natural to expect them from one particular area of your life: it is relationships.
I am a strong believer that our well-being centers on our “horizontal” relationships as well as the “vertical” with God. Your smile has plenty to do with someone’s presence, touch and words.
Our horizontal relationships look different when it comes to love and nurturing. For the most part, there are many types of relationships. We establish relationships with co-workers, classmates, family members, spouses, friends, etc. Each shares a different type of love from our hearts.
For many years, you may have struggled to grasp what healthy relationships should be. I underwent many seasons similar to this because of toxic and harmful friendship encounters.
The Effects of Toxic Relationships
Finding a balance of vitality in any relationship can be difficult when toxic, wrong people enter your life. They sometimes appear because of a mere lack of knowing, vulnerableness, and being easily trusting by nature permits their entrance.
I once learned from a therapist sister I know, “there are reasons for behaviors, but no excuses.” Are you a high-giver and nurturing person by nature? Do you enjoy being there for others? If you answer yes to both of these questions, then at some point in your life you’ve been dragged through the “mud,” rejected a lot and sorely mistreated by toxic people.
You may feel like it’s safer to be calloused, hard and guarded because of this stuff, but I there’s a way to love again. These encounters will trigger anxieties.
They can also cause fear of loss. I used to be afraid of loss because of losing a loved one every three years (this loss doesn’t mean death or burial). During two of those years, we were like family. Our relationships bonds were strong.
At the close of the third year, such a whirlwind came to divide us. Not sure if you’re aware. Whirlwinds are dangerous and reckless. They can and will cause severe damage. And, like relationships, some toxic encounters try to destroy your most loving and giving nature.
Their cold and callous hearts will challenge your character and love. But, trueness of heart never fails. My two to three-year experiences created patterns for me. Pay attention to people’s patterns. People in your life will either be consistent or inconsistently consistent.
So, it was only natural for me to believe that whoever came into my life would disappear after three years.
I remember a dream that revealed my anxieties to move forward in relationships.
The winds move gracefully in a circular motion. I not only see wind particles like leaves and beautiful flowers but this captivating snowy-looking air circling, waiting for me to jump in. I do. Nature’s seasons change alluringly. However, I get out of the wind once winter arrives. The trees are barren, and white ice covers the ground as a white linen blanket. I look again at the trees and freeze. Fear grips and prevents me from continuing with the winds. The winds wait for me. They move around and around. They continue to stay and standby—waiting for me to jump on board again.
I wake. The revelation continuously stirs now a new consciousness.
Being consciously aware of your loving nature and types of affirming relationships you need are imperative to your well-being. You no longer have to permit interruptions in your life that cause painful stops and breaks as in my dream.
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Finding the Healers, Nurturers & Lovers for Healthy Relationships
In a recent life coaching session with one of my clients, our discussion focused on being intentional with time.
To do this, you monitor closely how your time is spent and with whom. She and I began to analyze her temperament type to help get more awareness into her emotional needs and the type of people she needs for relationships.
Understanding who you are and what type of personality types work best for you are vital to building and securing relationships.
When you’re a high-giver in love, giving gifts to a toxic person who rejects this nature will feel painful. So, be intentional about learning other personalities and test the waters per se.
What you search for and seek it diligently, you will find.
Intentionally change your circle. People like you exist in the universe. When you distance yourself from the toxic ones, God will send forth the right persons.
You are a loving and nurturing person who deserves the same measure of you put out to others. And, there are plenty of people who nurture their relationships. These types of people are healers in the universe.
Nurturing people help to break cycles of pain and rejection in your life. They purposely want you to know how much they care. These types listen when you call. Nurturers teach you balance in relationships. They communicate naturally. Meaning, there is a consistent flow—sometimes daily, weekly or monthly.
Conclusion
Overall, I am thankful for a nurturing husband, friends, and family who’ve helped to heal a fractured vessel. When the wrong people are removed from your life, you shift to a being of sensitivity in a healthy way. You’ll take pleasure in feeding and nurturing the new relationships.
These hidden gems from God and the universe will take time with you, listen, cry with you, allow you to vent, fall, make mistakes and most importantly never judge you.
Because of them, we can demonstrate the same virtues with grateful and healed hearts.
Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you. I read and respond to my community.
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