Are you really happy and leading a fulfilling life?

Be happy. Be Amazing. These are my power words to help people kickstart their days. As I think about them and write this blog, I need to dig deeper into this with two opposing questions: What does it mean to be unhappy? How might one attain a happy fulfilling life?

I speak with incredible people of status daily. They are authors, writers, entrepreneurs, business owners, coaches, consultants, etc. Our conversations shift from mere ordinary day-to-day experiences to business and marketing evaluations.

Also, I enjoy beautiful dialogues with my family and closest friends. Holding conversations with many people helps me learn so much about leading a happy and fulfilling life.

In doing so, I realize two things some are unhappy and merely focus on ways to survive daily. Is this way of living and mindset truly fulfilling?

Sometimes I can hear their passion as “teachers” and “leaders.” It’s felt in and through their tones and words. Traditionally, “teachers” were known as healers. Most of whom I speak with today are wounded, healers.

The Un-Happy & Un-Fulfilling Life Mindset

Many of battle with past and present hurts and anger. Eventually, this “stuff” catches up and is the cause of being miserable, or unhappy.

You may allow these pains to build up within. If this is the case, they become accumulations.

The accumulations turn into ruptures, which affects your relationships and things you’re most passionate about. These conflicts thoroughly convince me there is lack of knowing how to understand self, heal self and be happy.

I’ve had some people confess that digging within is too much work and too painful, so they’re just “living” through many day-to-day pains unhappily.

Lifehack.org contends that unhappy people have the following habits:

They are never thankful.
They lead a very unadventurous life.
They live in and glorify the past.
They do things for personal gain.
They are afraid of economic loss.
They love to pick fights.
They think people’s intentions towards them are always dishonorable.
They will give themselves a negative identity and revel in it.
They will make sure they are involved in other people’s drama.
They always expect the worst.
They focus on themselves.
They are critical of everything.
They worry too much.
They are envious of other people’s success.

Wow! This is a lot to process. Sadly, you may know of someone who shows some of these habits and probably didn’t pay attention to the fact he or she is unhappy with an unfulfilling life.

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Steps to be happy and lead a fulfilling life

First things first. Consider identifying your fractures, brokenness, and fears within yourself. Think about starting a healing journal. This is an incredible idea for those who do not believe in therapists or counselors. I used both as a way to find happiness and a fulfilling life.

While teaching in the classroom, I remember many visits to the guidance counselor. She always had a calming and understanding spirit. Her character and presence spoke volumes. Thus, I knew she was trusting and being transparent would be safe. Also, she was credible because of her state licensures and certifications.

I visited with her often to “let down my hair.” She never judged me and gave the best advice to find my happy place and fulfilling life.

My journal became a best friend and still is. It’s another safe place free of judgments and I get to think about my thinking.

I understand this takes time. And, you may not have someone you feel safe with to talk things through. Please start searching and journaling and don’t give up. Those pains and accumulations become toxins and lead to other harmful things in the body.

Secondly, as you begin to soul search and identify many offenses caused by others and experiences, I ask you to try not to point the finger or cast blame. The objective here is you. This process is selfish. It’s all about you being happy and to lead a fulfilling life.

Look at yourself. Go there. Examine and expose the pains and hurts to someone safe and or your journal. Remember, when you confess your faults and pains, you will start healing.

Self-reflecting questions to get to a happy, fulfilling life

Leaving pains hidden will cause a delay in the healing process. It’s like leaving a band-aid on a terrible sore. Removing it to allow air to pass through speeds up the recovery.

When triggers surface, try not to ignore them. Consider these questions for your triggers. What makes you afraid of rejection? Why do you fear loss? What experiences do you have when there is a loss? Where did the root of this pain enter?

How did it enter? Once you unveil these offenses, you will learn how they kept you from enjoying life, being ultimately happy and leading a fulfilling life the way God intends.

You will see how the pains and casting unnecessary blame on those innocent hindered your truest ability to love beyond measure and receive it unconditionally.

Allow me to introduce you to a simple process called “self-actualization.”

According to the site good therapy, self-actualized people:

Accept themselves and others.
Maintain deep and meaningful relationships.
Can exist autonomously.
Have a sense of humor, particularly an ability to find humor in their own mistakes.
Accurately perceive reality, both as it pertains to the self and others.
Have a sense of purpose and perform regular tasks geared toward that purpose.
Experience frequent moments of profound happiness, also known as “peak experiences.”
Demonstrate empathy and compassion for others.
Have an ongoing appreciation of the goodness of life. Some might refer to this trait as childlike wonder.

Healing tips to lead a happy, fulfilling life

Take yourself through a self-actualization process which helps to become familiar and identify with such internalizations (as noted above).

The process will yield a transformative and liberating experience—enabling you to bring your “whole self” to a place of sharing, taking risks, to always learn and be vulnerable. Author bell hooks asserts,

“You must be actively committed to a process of self-actualization that promotes your own well-being… You cannot have a split in body, mind, and soul…a mind is always at odds with the body.”

Notice that those around you are also fractured, broken, unprivileged, marginalized, oppressed by many things.

Trust and creating space for openness in your relationships is highly encouraged. Some people seem to be fearful of moving away from “trust” climates and non-violence atmospheres. When people offend you, they’ve actually created violence in your space.

Conclusion

Lastly, use critical reflection. This thought process also says to create space for you and others to bring personal experiences and emotions to learning for deeper critical thinking.

In most cases, people are individualized and present no “togetherness.” We are too divided. Create a climate of trust for anyone to share and be vulnerable.

Always keep yourself in a learning position by reading other self-development and self-empowering materials, studying, visiting and speaking with people who meet your wants and need, listening and discerning things unhealthy to your space.

The goal here is to acquire self-actualization skills and practice them daily. The more practice, the more it becomes a part of your “natural” self and existence.

Now, begin to be happy, be amazing and lead a happy, fulfilling life.

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