How I Began To Love Me: The Necessary Part of Being A Writer & Business Owner

How I Began To Love Me: The Necessary Part of Being A Writer & Business Owner

Love. Is loving yourself a taboo topic in people’s personal lives, as a writer or business owner?

It’s obvious many people, writers, and business owners are not public with their emotions, pains, fractures, offenses or struggles.

I totally understand. And no disrespect to the writer or business owner who hides behind the masks of words and business necessities.

Who you decide to be or if you want to be transparent with anyone, of course, is up to you.

Moreover, I don’t believe love should be hidden or treated as a separate emotion or not be “mixed” with business or writing.

You either love business or not. Either you love writing or you don’t. You possibly love being loved or will be uncomfortable with it.

Here’s the reality, whether you agree or not, there are components of love that heal, nurture and make you whole enough to function adequately as a writer, business owner and in your relationships.

The Writer, Her Love, Her Business

You may be dating, out of a long-term relationship, married, or single. At some point in your life, you’ve encountered love.

I know some of your fiction or nonfiction works reflect aspects of your life and relationships.

Besides, as writers, we tell stories not only from our imagination but our worldviews. Have you ever critically reflected on why the romance genre is popular?

Well, it’s primarily because of the depths of stories told about love and touch. People want love. Your readers desire love, sex, and romance. You want some parts of it, too.

I often write from my experiences of love and that’s because, like you, I believe I’ve been through many love and pain situations that can help others.

And as much as I love to write and operate a business, love and touch play a vital role in my production and progress.

Every writer handles his or her love life differently. But trust me, it makes a difference. Being awakened to the ability to love helps tremendously.

Writer’s are kinesthetic. Believe it or not, we love touch. Touch can be our fingers prickling on the keys or writing with your favorite pencil or pen in your journal.

On a deeper level, the right touch of affection gets the brain pumped and adrenaline circulating.

In other words, science proves how touch can activate the chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, which make you happy.

At the start of each morning, before writing, one of the first things I do is hug my husband. I’m affectionate by nature.

During my single years, for touch, I was intentional about greeting and leaving my closest friends with hugs.  

Love & Self-Reflection

In her article, “How to Hurt Me – How To Love Me,” Randi Gunther Ph.D., mentions a key point about love and self-reflection.

She asserts, “…be willing to re-open a genuine exploration of what you may have missed in the past, suppressed, or are currently ignorant of…”

To do this with or without a professional requires self-reflection. Part of loving me made me take self-inventory.

In order to love me, I had to learn how to put myself first. This wasn’t easy. Even “exploring” those things I “missed, suppressed and just didn’t know,” was tough.

Reflecting helped me become a better writer and business owner because

  1. I used the journal my way through healing method
  2. I came up with self-reflection questions to answer in my journal

My questions to become better at love and in all of my relationships, took me 60 seconds to reflect on and about 15 minutes each night to write.

One 60 second reflection per day will show you how to better your love and relationships with people.

As I did this and began to love me more, my surroundings became healthier and meaningful. Life and business got easier and meaningful, again.

Here’s one question I came up with: In what ways do I show myself, love?

My answer in one journal entry.

I don’t show myself love, and I know I need to start. Being a former internalizer (one who held all emotions inside), I felt more stings from pain not knowing HOW to communicate my feelings.

It sometimes feels easier to just hold everything in and cope the best way I can. But I know this method still avoids my value, worth, wants and needs.

My relationships suffer tremendously because I don’t know how to love me. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted because there’s an imbalance.

Love isn’t one-sided. One should not love the other more than the other. I always put others before ME.

But, if I start to love me first, somewhere deep down inside I believe this will attract the right people in my life and release the toxic ones.

How I Began To Love Me

Since I love buying gifts and treating people with simple things, I started doing those things for myself.

I purchase journals and books I love to read and pick up cards with beautiful words just because. (I end up mailing them to people, so they come in handy for last minute gifts).  

If there’s a sale at Macy’s, I’m there when my budget permits. I love looking through the clothes for leisure and business, pick out the best and make the purchase.

I’ll go to Starbucks, a local coffee shop, Barnes & Noble, local bookstore or park to edit or write my articles, blogs, web copy or book chapters. Of course, my Beats headphones and Jill Scott playlist is ready for work and business.

The first way to begin to love yourself is by discovering the answers to my original question: In what ways do I show myself, love?

Other questions I came up with to help start to love me are do I truly know myself and do I remember the things I once desired?

I have more self-reflective questions and statements for journaling you can use. They’re found in my “How Loving Me First Helps To Love You” map.

Especially if your struggle with your love relationships and as a writer and business owner is seriously affected by these emotions:

  • Thinking of him or her day and night
  • Stomach Butterflies (Yep! They still exist)!
  • Constantly checking your phone (I just had to make sure I didn’t miss the call)
  • Desire to call or text, but don’t want to be the first, appear needy or overbearing


Overall, through all of these encounters, I learned the necessary part of being a writer and business owner was and is to love me.

Please know this. Your feelings are valid and your heart should be valued.

Your energy to love only needs balance. This energy reveals that you put others before yourself. And this means you open yourself to what is perceived as rejection.

The person isn’t rejecting you! He or she is sometimes not capable to love you the way you want and need.

And, without loving yourself first & now, this cycle of pain will continue.

So, let’s get a deeper meaning and understanding of these cycles and how to love yourself first now! Get your map of self-reflecting questions.


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